Bittersweet August

August is a bittersweet month for my family.  Several birthdays to celebrate --

my dad, my uncle, cousins, mine ...

 and my Aunt Hilda's birthday ...

 

A few years ago I wrote a series of posts about my silent milestone "48"... here's the links:

 A Silent Milestone ... Remembering ... Reflection ... Revealing

 

 

The morning of August 15, 1980 ... my Aunt Jacqueline "Hilda" had taken her youngest daughter to shop for clothes to start high school.  Coming back home on the wet 2 lane country road -- the semi truck had been swerving and going across the solid yellow line.  In the straight stretch about 12 miles or so from home ... the semi driver was across the yellow line again --- this time he smashed into the car going in the opposite direction ...

my Aunt & cousin.
He was driving drunk.

 

Sometimes I can remember that day like it was yesterday. One of my cousins came to pick me up early and seeing her drive up to the band building, I told my band director that something was wrong and that I had to leave.  (I returned 2 weeks later.)

 

{I won't go into detail right now but sometime in the future I do want to write it all down for my future generations to know what an awesome Aunt we lost that day.}

 

The days that followed were vivid but yet a blur as well.  I was 15 years old at the time.

One of my uncles birthday is August 16 ...

 

The evening of August 17, 1980 was the visitation at our small home church. About two miles from our homeplace. I have never seen so many people from our little community in one place than that night!

 

The date on pic is prior to but this was the size in 1980.

 

Everyone was devastated ...

especially my Granny {Lucy}

 

The rainy day of August 18, 1980 ... we said our final good-byes to my

Aunt Jacqueline "Hilda" on her 48th birthday.

 

August 20 is my Daddy's birthday ( he will be 77 this year -- and still working)

 

August 24 is my birthday. 

I turned 16 just nine days after "the wreck" ... this year I'll turn 51.

 

Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of my Aunt Hilda ...

and I know that one day I will see her again.

 

 Heaven certainly gained a special angel 35 years ago ...

and her legacy lives on through her namesake --

our daughter Jacqueline.

 

 

Leading Up to 30

Normally I'm not a person who goes for the "milestones" -- such as ages ... turning 18 then 21 then 30 ... marking every decade. 

 {I did, however, hit one milestone almost 2 years ago when I turned 48 -- here's the link to A Silent Milestone )

Then anniversary "milestones" ... 5, 10, 20 years ... 

however, on our 25th Anniversary my husband and I were blessed to share our celebration with our daughter Jacqueline and granddaughter Lucy.  I wasn't blogging in May 2009, but here's a few pictures of our Silver Day ...

 

Much "life" has happened since 5 years ago ... and now we also have an energetic 2 year old grandson Thomas Alexander "Tag" ... and Lucy is quite the little lady at 5 1/2 years old!

 

 My next post will be more of pictures to show how Dan and I have celebrated our 30th anniversary {which will be May 16th}.  

Last fall he had this idea ... "I think you & I need to have a little time alone for our 30th"

So I said ... "Okay.  You know we could probably squeeze a day or so to ourselves at Disney"

To which he replied ... "That would be fun.  But that's not where I'm thinking"

So I said ... "We've wanted to go back to the mountains"

To which he replied ... "And we will.  But that's not where I'm thinking"

And then ... he told me.

To which I replied ...

"Are you sure???????"

So, if you haven't read my posts about "our story", here are the links ...

I know that everyone's story is unique and has it's own ups & downs ---

and ours is no different.

A story of admiring from a distance ... to dating years later ... to eloping after 8 months ... 

to almost ...

Well ... Dan & I are so very thankful for God's abundant grace and unending mercy ...

HE is how we made it to 30.

Links:

Once Upon a Time -- The Beginning of Our Story

When Our Fairytale Met Real Life

My Three R's ... #3 "R" -- Coming Out of the Milestone

Today was "the day" ... 

We've joked in my house this week that Granny only has one more year as a 40-something, then will be ready to knock over another decade.  Last year I reached my milestone of "48" and today I said hello to "49".

(You can read my 2 previous posts about how personal it has been for me to reach 48) 

 So now to close out this milestone year, I've looked deep into the mirror at the person staring back at me

 for my third "r" ...

revealing

 Here's just a few things I've learned about myself over the past year --

• God in all of His omniscience and glory designed me as me ... nobody else can fulfill His plans & purpose for me.  And just as He designed me, He accepts me. 
• The greatest joy I have is when I think of others before me.  I am truly at my worst when I feel selfish & self-centered.  That's not to mean that I need to do everything for others, but I know what God expects of me ... and I need to obey His call on my life.
• Although I value what others think of me (going back to my previous post), only God defines me. The saying "what others think about me is none of my business" is a truthful statement.  That's between them and God ... not me.  [Unless I've hurt or offended anyone (which I hope I haven't).  But if I have, I pray they will come to me so we can get it straightened out.]
• Being "positive" doesn't mean I'm a naive person ... it just means that I choose to accept that God has life under control. I may not understand, and I may not fully grasp the "whys", but I can hang on to my Father's promise that He knows His plans for me & it's all for my good.
• When I feel overwhelmed, the safest place for me to be is on my knees.  I admit I have some anxiety over situations that are beyond my control ... but when I take deep breathes of God's peace and reassurance, I can give it all to Him to work things out for His glory and my good.
• If I dwell on the past so much, then I miss the present.  My husband has told me that I'm really "not much good with too much time on (my) hands" ... and he is correct.  So, I prefer to learn from the past but live for today. There's times when I backslide on this, but I endeavor to keep my eyes set on the present.
• I am blessed.  I am so blessed.  I am so very blessed.  Thank You, God, for Your blessings in my life.  I know that I take them for granted ... but thank You for allowing me to be blessed. 

And as I wrote this last post in my 3 part series, it occurred to me that I simply do not have another "number" that I consider "milestone-worthy".  I truly have never thought about any other number being monumental since I turned 16 in 1980.  And now, 33 years later, I'm breaking out of my one & only true milestone.  It's never bothered me about "getting older".  I never hesitate with answering when asked my age.  I've always been thankful for every birthday no matter what the "number".  

However, today, August 24, 2013 was a monumental day for me.

My husband started my day off with a little breakfast for the 2 of us, then we were home for some play time with Lucy & Tag.  Afterwards, the 6 of us had a special birthday lunch at Carrabba's (and leftovers for dinner!) ... 'Joe had to take Tag on a little drive after lunch, so ...
Lucy, her Mommy, Grandad & Granny all went to a new bakery across town personally owned & operated by 'Joe's aunt & uncle.  Then back home for some more family time (and I even got some Lucy-time all of my own ... oh how I love this little girl!)
And I got my birthday phone call from my parents this morning during breakfast.
(I don't know if they will ever know how thankful I am for both of them. I truly love my parents & all that they mean to our family.)

And so going forward ... 

with no "milestones" on my horizon ...

I continue to praise God for His unending grace & mercies

I continue to thank Him for His boundless blessings
and  

I will continue to be where He needs me most

My Three R's ... 33 Years in the Making

This week is the big week for me. It's been 33 years in the making... 

it's the week that I pass my silent milestone...  

it's the week of my 3 R's.

Today, August 18th I begin this week by considering the first "r" ... 

remembering

Today marked my dear Aunt's 81st birthday ... and also the day that we said our final earthly good-byes to her 48 years after her birth. You can CLICK HERE to read more about the significance of August 18th for my family. 

My birthday comes 6 days after my Aunt's birthday. And last year I turned 48 ... 

just like she did the day we said good-bye to her in 1980.

And just like I've done every August 18th since 1980 ... 

today I remember my Aunt --

her laughter

her smile

her common sense

her care

her beauty

her love

My Aunts & Uncles have been as much of a part of my value system as my parents & Granny have. I still keep up with them and my cousins & their kids although we live several hours apart. And although I miss each of those who have since gone Home to be with our Savior, 

I miss my Aunt Jacqueline "Hilda". 

She was suddenly called Home on August 15 when a drunk semi-truck driver crossed the yellow line. Although her void in our family could never be replaced, she has always been remembered in our hearts for the past 33 years. 

When Dan & I were expecting our baby in 1986, we had no idea if "it" was a girl or boy. We had names chosen for both since I could not have an ultrasound (back then insurance would not pay unless it was a medical necessity -- which thankfully we were not in that situation).  So, we kept the name quiet. Oh we had another name picked out that we mentioned, but then we kept it quiet ... 

until the night our baby girl was born ...

almost 6 years after her Great-Aunt's car wreck ...

"Jacqueline" was born into our family

and my Aunt's legacy continues with her namesake.

So today, August 18th ...

I remember my Aunt Jacqueline "Hilda" and all that she meant 

to me & our family. 

And I begin my week-long process of coming through my silent milestone of 48.

I've used this picture before, but this is how I remember my Aunt Hilda -- 

she's standing up behind my Granny laughing ... 

and how I've missed her laughs over these past 33 years.

 

The Milestone Weekend

My milestone birthday has come & gone.  I know that "48" technically does not constitute a milestone ... but it does for me.  Click here to see why   
This birthday sort of marked my rite of passage.  It was a day (and week leading up to) for me to reflect ... to celebrate ... and to look forward.  

If I would describe the whole week & birthday, I would have to come back to my one-word ...

aware

You can CLICK HERE to find out the significance of this five-letter word to me.  
It has truly been a God-driven year. He has given blessing after blessing and the year isn't even over yet ... how awesome He truly is!

So, Friday morning, August 24th, began as any other morning.  Grandad & I went for breakfast (no protein bars, but a special McDonald's birthday breakfast of my choice) ... I went to the gym afterwards (I know ... seems counterproductive) ... and when I came home ... 

Lucy turned around from the counter as she was eating her breakfast and declared (to the top of her little lungs)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANNY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh how grand that was to hear her! She was giggly, smiley & just so gosh-darned cute! 
(Yes, I'm like every other Granny in the universe ... I have the cutest grandkids ever!)

Blessing after blessing ... Facebook messages, phone calls, text messages, emails ... all a small portion yet an enormous dose of God's bountiful grace.  

My family treated me to a wonderful dinner at P. F. Chang's (and our kids took the bill before Grandad could even get his wallet!) 

Here is just a small glimpse into how blessed I am to have reached my milestone ...

God is the God of memories ... 

God is the God of looking forward ...

God is the God of milestones ...

I am truly blessed indeed.

So whatever "milestone" you, my reader, may be facing ...
let me assure you that God is already there for you with abundant blessings .

A Silent Milestone

Celebrations abound for reaching milestone birthdays ... baby's 1st birthday ... turning "double-digits" ... then reaching 16 to finally get a driver's license ... getting to vote at 18 ... becoming "legal" at 21 (although this made no difference to this Granny) ... becoming a "quarter-century" at 25 ... then the decades --- 30 ... 40 ... 50 (which my dear husband reached this year).  

But there's one milestone that I'm about to reach next week that neither Hallmark nor Gibson 

have the appropriate message for ...

For the past 32 years I have dreamed of this birthday ... even secretly dreaded the day. Now, I want to preface this with the fact that I truly believe that God knows the number of our days here on earth.  Jeremiah 29:11 gives us the promise that God knows His plans for each of us. These plans are not to bring us harm but to bring us to Him. 

For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, 

thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. (KJV)

Next week will mark my 48th birthday.  Not a "decade" milestone nor an elaborate ordeal.  But, for its history:  It was 9 days before I turned 16 years old (32 years ago) that a drunk driver took my aunt's life. When this happened, my 16th birthday held little if no significance for me. At a time when all of my friends had anxiously awaited getting their driver's licenses, I had no desire to get mine. (And didn't get it until I was 17 1/2 years old.) 

However, 48 years to the day before my aunt's funeral, she made her grand entrance into the world ... we said our final earthly good-byes to her on her 48th birthday. The comfort I have is in knowing that I did not say good-bye forever.  We will meet again. Only Omniscient God knew the events that would surround August 18th even before He spoke the universe into existence. That is my comfort.

I counted my childhood as a privileged one.  My Granny, aunts, uncles & cousins all lived around me.  They were the most influential people in my life along with my parents. I always felt as if I had 3 "mother-figures" in my life:  my Mother as my "Mother" ... my aunts have been my "mom"s ... and my Granny was always my "mommy".  What a blessing to have such role models in my family.

So tomorrow ... August 18th ... I will remember my dear aunt. Celebrate her 80th birthday ... and her rebirth in Heaven with her Savior.  And as in the past 32 years, I will quietly cry and miss her deeply. I will remember that day as it was 32 years ago ... the overflowing community in our small home church who had come to pay their respects to her and her family ... the dark, rainy day that symbolized to me only God can bring peace and comfort to those who grieve ... and my Granny upon losing her child.  

As I prepare my heart and soul for my silent milestone next week, I will rejoice and be thankful for my dear aunt, my family and my childhood.  We lived in a very close-knit community ... we rejoiced with those who rejoiced and grieved with those who grieved ... and although I'm away from our community, we still share in rejoicing and grieving.  I have imagined over the past 32 years that my aunt has bowed and worshiped our Savior ... her melodious voice has sang praises to our King ... and she has reunited with loved ones in Glory. 

We each have milestones in our lives that may not always fit into a "category" or fit a "traditional" milestone.  But it's the comfort of knowing that God sees what's ahead of us even though we just see each moment that passes us by.  My upcoming birthday is a silent milestone for me.  I plan to treat it as any other day for me. No fanfare ... no birthday bash ... no fuss.  I will thank God for my family and will thank Him for bringing me through the day I turn 48.  And I will cherish my memories.

Here is a picture of my dear Granny holding my daughter ... my aunt's namesake. I see pieces of my aunt in her great-niece ... I like to believe that she is still holding her "mom" spot even in the hearts of her family that she never got to meet here on earth.

 

 

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.  In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you.  I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.  And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.  
(John 14:1-4)

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. 

(Revelation 21:4) 

Turning the Tables (On My Husband)

 In less than 2 months my loving husband will turn over another decade ... he will turn 50.  Now, don't get me wrong ... he does not mind at all marking 50 years on this earth.  Matter of fact, he's actually looking forward to it!  He's looking forward to the day when he can go to a restaurant and say "senior discount, please".  I can honestly say that I have NEVER seen anyone as excited to turn over a decade as he is.  

And, I am so looking forward to entering this new decade by his side ... 

just as I have been by his side for his birthdays since he turned 22 (just a few years ago).

So, now I'm on a mission.  If you read my last post 

(click here to read My Introduction to the 21st Century ) 

you'll see that my husband bought me a NookColor for Christmas.  Well, he researched, bought, hid ... did everything without my even having a little hint as to what he was up to.  So ....... now I think it's MY turn ... 

to plan, to conspire, to turn the tables.

I need to consult my partner in crime (Mrs. 'Joe) to see what kind of ideas she has for her Daddy's 50th.  We know his "party" will consist of his family taking him out for dinner to celebrate him (depending on when this little grandson decides to join the rest of us in our household).  

But, somehow ... 

some way ... 

we will celebrate "Grandad" in a "grand fashion".

So, now it's your turn ... have you ever given a gift to someone for a milestone that they turned over?  If so, what was it?  How did you think of it?  I'm looking for something different to do for my husband this year.  Not the "typical" ... but not anything that he will have to sign a second mortgage to either.  

Something that shows him just how special he is to his family.  

He does so much for us ... 

now we want to turn the tables on him.