Thursday, April 18, 2013

How Could the Woman Really Say That?

Normally I do not "respond" to articles or news clips that I have come across.  I see so many Facebook posts that begin "To the (fill in the blank) who (did such & such)" ... I've done this one other time when a scene at a restaurant really got under my skin.  But this post is actually in response to an article my husband told me about.  When he was recounting the article he had read at the office, my mouth dropped ... I was speechless ... I wanted to give this "person" a piece of my mind.  But, instead, I'll write a blog post about it.

First of all, here is the LINK to the article coming from the UK.  I must say that it was really hard for me to read. This woman states firmly that when her son was just five days old, she realized that "having a child had been the biggest mistake of my life" (her quote ... not mine).  She goes on to say that she "felt completely detached from this alien being who had encroached upon my settled married life and changed it, irrevocably, 
for the worst."  
Two and a half years later, she gave birth to her daughter --- and yet again she felt no connection or maternal bonding.  "What I valued most in my life was time on my own; to reflect, read and enjoy my own company and peace of mind.  And suddenly that peace and solitude wasn't there anymore.  There were two small interlopers intruding on it.  And I've never got that peace back." At one point in the article she even goes so far as to compare her children to parasites. 

Again ... I was (and still am) speechlessIn my mind I kept asking how can anyone be so selfish and self-centered to (first) even THINK such thoughts, and (second) PUBLISH them for the world to see?????? I truly feel for her children who are now adults. Her son has 2 children of his own now (of whom she does not want to spend her time babysitting her own grandchildren) ... and her daughter is bed-ridden with multiple sclerosis (with the woman who birthed her as her primary caregiver).  Oh the irony ... They don't even recall ONE time she said "I love you" to them.

I wonder what her children think since this article was published?  Let's face it -- they are in their 30s now, so she could have just said nothing at all.  I know, I know -- well, maybe there's another mother or mother-to-be out there with whom this article could help.  (I'm really not quite sure *how*, but perhaps we'll say it could)  But at what expense to her own children? And her grandchildren? I know that many women struggle with depressions after childbirth, but there's so many who have overcome the depressions & wouldn't trade their children for anythingAnd again -- how do her children and grandchildren feel about this article & her openness on wishing they weren't even alive?

I know I've told the early days of my marriage, and how my husband & I were told that we had a one in a billion chance of ever having a baby.  When we heard this news, we were actually okay with it -- we hadn't been married too long (just a couple of months); and we knew that we could consider adoption but we wanted to wait for another year or so.  I will always remember the day the doctor confirmed our pregnancy -- we were so relieved, happy, laughing (at the other doctors), confused. Every emotion ran through us ... except the negative ones.  
Never were we upset, regretful, disappointed ... these emotions had no place in our family.  God saw fit that we were to be the parents of one of His little children.  And never has there been a day or a moment that we have regretted being parents.  And we have no regrets being grandparents. We cherish every moment we have with our grandchildren. There's too much destructiveness going on in our world today that brings lasting effects to our little children. We simply will not be one of those destructive forces.

Children have a certain ability to sense things --
they know when they're loved ... and when they're not
they know when they're wanted ... and when they're not
they know when they're accepted ... and when they're not

Some children go through their life wondering 
"why doesn't (this person) like me" ... 
"why does (this person) like (so & so) better than me" ... 
"why can't (this person) just accept me"  
I've known children like this.  And it completely breaks my heart that they go through these questions
try to rationalize why these adults hurt them so much.  

So, to the woman who wrote this of your own children --- 
God be with you.  
I'm praying for you & for other people like you (whether they are parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc).  
It's just my opinion ... but I believe you need a heart-transplant.  

I wouldn't trade my sometimes (alright, most of the time)  chaotic, hectic, toy-congested, fun-loving, 
child-dependent, sticky kisses & hugs, never a dull moment house with my two grandchildren for anything.



Doris said...

Amen, amen! Even when having an unexpected pregnancy at 40 in which our Ellen was born with challenges...never would I wish she wasn't born!

May God soften this woman's heart.

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